That Feeling!

It is that feeling that I am talking about. Being high on oneself! Human history is laced with examples of (in)famous individuals and their (mis)deeds stemming from high dosages of narcissism. Ego is one such thing where defining “how much is too much” is probably not that easy. I mean, all of us are born with that ego node in our brains (and probably of a similar degree, that is, if we keep genetics outside the ambit of this debate!). It gets conditioned in our formative years and becomes a part of our personalities thereafter. Then who decides “how much is too much”? Well, we do! We do it for others just as others do it for us – we judge, we react, we bitch! Ego is really a personal thing. Sometimes I wonder if all the education, the history lessons, the human behavior studies, the spiritual talks et al. even mean anything to us in real life. It is funny how we value these lessons theoretically, very quickly pass judgment on others and at the same time distance ourselves from the “criminal”. Maybe there is a certain degree of hypocrisy which plagues the human nature – the fact is, we just don’t judge others, but we judge ourselves as well. And while judging ourselves, the rules of the game are distorted just enough, sufficient to make us stand out, and look the best (borderline narcissism if you may). Well, this is not the case with everyone in every situation but most would find the imbalance in situations more often than not. What is ironic is that this narcissistic attitude is incomplete in itself – it thrives as a parasite with the host being our inherent lack of confidence on our ability – our ability to truly evaluate our skills and our life as a whole. It needs people around us to massage our egos (generally these people have their own ulterior motives) and acknowledge how we are the best there is out there. Ever heard these – “I only travel first class!”, “There was nobody else who could do this, so you know who was called – yeah, me!”, “What...are you kidding? You really think 8 drinks are enough for me? I have not even started yet”, “Driving below 140 clicks is for gutless people!”, “Horror movies do not scare me.” Unfortunately, the false “self-esteem” keeps building up like a tornado and pushes us beyond the threshold of judgment that other people have set for our evaluation. Question is, can it be controlled?

It is that feeling that I am talking about. Being high on others! I read a lot of stuff these days that is written to fuel our self confidence, to teach us to “love ourselves” and how we need not give a f*#k about what others feel about us. Look at how social media is flooded with such status updates and you will probably agree to what I am trying to say. I only partly believe in this theory. It is bang on when, for example, we see cases of crime – a woman bearing the torture of her partner while still being emotionally attached to him. Such ghastly acts can never be justified and the woman’s love for the man definitely needs to be replaced (needless to say that the cowardly act deserves befitting punishment). But I find this argument being casually extrapolated by everyone, with the general message being to love yourself AND to not care about others. This is where the confusion actually surfaces.

Picture the human heart as being an empty vessel which needs to be filled. My argument is that the vessel needs to be filled with “love for others” also and not just “love for oneself”. It is, however, not that simple either, as the tortured wife loving her coward husband example shows. The magic is in loving the right person – be it your family, friends or spouse! It is such a fulfilling feeling – the feeling of immersing yourself completely to something so pure and devoid of any evil; caring selflessly for someone else that you actually forget what you want for yourself, because it hardly matters anymore. The real satisfaction is in putting a smile on the face of the people you love, instead of fanning your ego all the time. It does not mean that you trade-off your ego, but you just channel it in the right direction. And the beauty is that you earn back the same love and respect in a truthful manner, very different from what you earn by being a narcissist! Only this pure form of love is capable of filling the vessel, while leaving only marginal room for narcissism. Most would think what is unique or fresh in this argument – but take a step back and reflect honestly – do you see people following this simple approach as much as they should? Do you follow this approach as much as you should? As a generation, I find mine (myself included) going in a confused and perhaps the wrong direction. 

So, if you believe in what I am implying, let us course-correct..... let us  try being more humble, more compassionate, more solution oriented.....let us love life. I know that a real question that the intellectually inclined (no sarcasm intended) would ask is – how to find “ideal” love? Well, let us leave that for a separate debate on a separate day – let me close this with a cliché – do not find love; let love find you J!